Well hello there, long time no see...

Yep, AF is visiting.  It's been a while too - 39 days.   Gee, thanks progesterone.  Cause my cycles weren't long enough without you.

It's nice to be moving forward again.  The chemical pregnancy was hard.  Things to do and people to see bring some happier thoughts around.  Heading to the doc on Tuesday to get the oh-so-pleasant vag ultrasound while bleeding.  Ugh.  Necessary but uncomfortable.

This cycle will be Fem.era  CD3-7 and a shot of Men.opur on CD8.  Hopefully we'll get 2-3 plump follicles out of this protocol.

And then there were none

Beta = 7
Its officially done. Chemical pregnancy : (

Stopped the progesterone after getting the results this afternoon. AF should be here in the next couple of days.

We're both pretty upset right now. Even though the news was expected, it still hurts. It hurts a lot more than I thought it could. 8 cells. I want to crawl and bed and hide from the world because of that little bundle of cells. Crazy.

We're hoping to use some slightly more aggressive drugs for the next cycle. Not sure if the doc will still be on board with it, but I really hope she is. We only got 1 follicle from the fe.mera. Really don't want to be on this rollercoaster any longer than necessary. More drugs = Higher chance of success.

Beta results? Yes please.

After a very anxious 24hr wait, the fertility lady called us with the beta results.

You know, the number that tells you you're pregnant or not.

10. Yep. Just 10.

10 is way more than 0. Almost infinitely more than 0. However, it's significantly less than 50, which is apparently where we should be at 14 dpo. Crap.

Are we pregnant? We don't know. Going for another beta in the morning. This one we ordered rushed. Another 24hr wait was just too much to handle.

Here's hoping that we get 30+ for tomorrow's test.

10dpo...and waiting

We've made it more than half way through our first IUI tww.  Each day has crept by very slowly.  I was sure that the days I was working would fly by, but no.  No they didn't.  Even though I worked my butt off making sure the world had lots of delicious kids cereal, the days still passed slowly.   Not fair.

I appreciate the heads up I got from reading other blogs.  You know, the ones that say how awful progesterone suppositories are.   Even though I knew about the side effects, I didn't really think they'd happen to me.  I mean come on.  I'm me.  I'm special.  Yeah....  My boobs have never been so sore.  An boy howdy do I feel sexy with that constant "leakage" of progesterone.  This stuff is doing wonders for my sex life. Ha.

Luckily the weather is beautiful this weekend, so I can distract myself in the garden.  Or so my plans go.  Still haven't made a trip to the garden center to pick up the soil additives that we need.  I did mow the front yard though : )  The garden center will have to wait until Sunday, because tomorrow we're heading out to my brother's house for a dual birthday celebration.  My birthday was 3 weeks ago, and my sister-in-laws's is next week.  They have the most adorable 15 month old daughter.  I love her to pieces.  People always talk about loving their children more than than they thought was humanly possible.  I feel that way about my niece.  And she's just so darn cute.  I hope we make a cute baby.

Beta will be either the 22nd or 23rd.  If AF doesn't show up.  I'm feeling quite pms-y.  Of course, that could just be progesterone.

I must apologize

Ovaries, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for misjudging you and underestimating your willingness to participate in this process.


I've been very discouraged the last few days.  Had a talk with K last night about how this cycle was a bust.  She encouraged me not to give up quite yet (even though today would be CD21).  Since she asked me too, I felt obliged to pee on a stick one more time.  So at 4am I found my self staring blankly at a smiling little OPK : )   I was so excited I took a picture and texted her, even though she was sound asleep in the next room.   As much as she helps me get through the tough times, I have to be sure to share the good times too.


Just before I left the house for work - around 4:30, I texted the Fertility Lady.  Low and behold she responded before I was out of the driveway.  Ack!  IUI was set up for 10am.  Calmly called work and took a vacation day.  Then I jumped out of the car and almost skipped across the front walk.  Trying to go back to sleep before the IUI was next to impossible.

We did the first IUI this morning.  Had one good looking follicle on left ovary.  Will go back tomorrow for second IUI and possibly a Prof.asi injection if the follicle hasn't released on its own.

Happy happy day.  

And now for the two week wait : )

Dear ovaries, why must you hate me?

Went to the doc today to have my follicles checked before getting the trigger shot.  No go on the trigger shot- Again!  Apparently my ovaries don't feel like playing nicely.  3 days ago left ovary had 1 at 14 and 1 at 9, the right ovary had 1 at 14 and one at ~8.  Should have had 2 nice and plump follicles when I went in today, but no. No I didn't.  The smaller follicles on each ovary got a tiny bit bigger.  The big one on the right grew by 1 (are these in mm?  I can't remember).  The big one on the left decide to just hang out and not grow.  What a slacker.

No trigger shot today = no iui tomorrow = lots and lots of tears.  I'm not even on clom.id, I'm on letr-zole.  No chemical induced excuses for the extra tears.  Its just me.  I am now a blubbering mess a couple of times a week.  I feel very sorry for my poor wife.

The game plan for the rest of this cycle is to keep going with the OPKs.  If I get a positive, we'll probably insem.  If I go past day 21 with no positive, doc will give me a shot to start AF.

I realized this was probably going to be a long journey, but I expected the heartache to come in the form of BFN's.  Not from my body parts not cooperating.  Argh!


On a brighter note, K took me out to celebrate my birthday yesterday.  We went to a super fancy restaurant that had some very wonderful food.  (Blue crab fritter was one of the most amazing things I've ever eaten.)  It was a lovely evening.  We even talked about things that had nothing to do with babies : )

My in-laws also called yesterday- to wish me happy birthday.  Huh, still feels strange to say in-laws and not be fibbing.  It was a very sweet, yet slightly awkward conversation.   K found it odd that her parents called, yet mine did not.  Oh well.

Getting older

Today is my 29th birthday.  K is taking me out to diner somewhere (it's a surprise.)  This will be a welcome reprieve from constantly thinking about the impending insem - which will be Friday/Saturday.   TTC has taken over my entire life  - at least the mental aspects.  I still go through the motions of everyday life, but cute little babies are all I can think of.   If I'm crazy this early on, I feel terrible for K.  She is so wonderful for dealing with all of my insanity : )

So much for planning

After peeing on a stick all weekend at work, I was super excited to go to the Dr yesterday.  It was supposed to be a visit filled with - "wow, check out those follicles" - and - "here's your trigger shot, see you tomorrow".    Well, that's not at all how it went.  Lining was good, but follicles immature--  so no IUI today or tomorrow.  I'm going back Friday.  Hopefully the follicles will be super huge and ready to go. Trigger on Friday followed by a  double insem on Saturday- because the doctor will be out of town Sunday.

Trying my best not to be bummed out.  There were 2 good looking follicles.  But now I have to take time off work for the insem, since I was scheduled to work Sat- Tues this week.  Called in to get vacation, but it was a no go.  We have some crazy strict rules around how many people can be off at once.  I'm out of luck there, so I guess I'll have to just lay out of work (which is a pretty big deal at my work.)   Ho hum.

Never thought I'd do That at work.

That = peeing on a stick


I work in a factory.  A factory full of men.  Mostly redneck men.

Here's how most of them would like to see the factory run:

Rule #1:  No women
Rule #2: No gays


I was assigned a mentor when I was hired.. He felt the need to be very upfront with me.  He said he "didn't like working with women, and didn't like working with fat people."  A few days later he came back and asked me if I was gay.  After telling him that I was, he said "you'd be better off keeping that to yourself, if you want to keep working here."   Yeah.   That was 5+ years ago.

After he got to know me (and decided I was worth keeping,) he explain his comments.  Fat people and women usually ask for help a lot more- making him have to do more work.  The comment on gays was strictly looking out for me - lots of people there would have taken an issue with me if I had been "super gay".


While this conversation still seems surreal to me (who really says that stuff to someone?) - it did have a tremendous impact on how I function at work.  I worked hard to learn all of my systems and equipment and be excelleent at my job








This is not the place to discuss anything that has to do with being a woman.  Hormones are strictly forbidden at work.  Or something.    The two people that I work with the most know about our desire to have children. One of those people is the other woman on my shift.  (Note: not one of the other women, but the other woman -- that's right, there are only 2 of us.)  She's not someone I would have befriended in regular life, but we've become pretty good work friends.




And you most definitely don't talk about being gay.  Even though most of the guys at work have been married multiple times, cheated on their wives, etc -- being gay is wrong because the bible says so.  And thy're all good Christians, no matter what they do to contradict that.